Arlo’s Vegan “Bacon Cheeseburger”
Arlo’s Food Truck in Austin, TX
Overall Rating: A fucking + (plus) - So damn phenomenal, I still talk/dream/jerk-off to it every day!
Parts & Points:
The Vegan Burger: Who knew a vegan burger could be so juicy? And thick? With stick-togetherness? I knew it could be done but I hadn’t experienced it until that night.
The Vegan Cheddar: This was no tease-cheese and if it was it was made by vegan cheese sex slave workers because everyone knows they make the sweetest vegan cheese (that was not meant to sound as disgusting as it did). It was melty and not stringy or gummy. Absolute perfection.
The Vegan Bacon: For the love of all things potentially holy......fake bacon cannot be good you say? WRONG! Wrong you naysaying son of a bitch or bastard! This came straight from the fields of vegan glory. I agree that fake bacon/hamburgers/chik’n patties will never taste like the real thing but I don’t remember what the originals taste like anymore so I’m LOVING this!
The BUN: Ooooo.....this was a great surprise. The bun.....stayed......a bun! It didn’t sag or sog or meld to become one with the rest of the sandwich in a slimy, general bun-type way. It stayed in a perfect tectural form even after having soaked up some of the most delicious toppings.
In Conclusion: I have asked a myriad of times to have one of these air-mailed to me on the daily. Not yet successful so the next step is to attempt to replicate it in my own kitchen. I have a dream......
Vegan “Bacon Cheeseburger” with house-made bbq sauce
The Coffeehouse in Normal, IL
Overall Rating: C - because the fries were great.
Parts & Points:
The Vegan Burger: It wasn’t bad, really. A bit dry but held together well.
The Vegan Cheese: Meh....
The Vegan “Bacon”: This was the worst part! The cook told us it was soy-based “bacon” they’d just started using and it tasted like it. The attempt to replicate the “fatty” parts of meat bacon were gelatinous goop and felt like it in my mouth. Not a fan.
The House BBQ Sauce: In all fairness, I am a bbq sauce connoisseur. I am SO very picky about my bbq sauces and the one thing I truly miss about not eating meat is sweet, tender, juicy bbq so this is a sensitive subject. On that note, this bbq sauce was no good. It was too vinegary/ketchupy and tart. It needed more smoke, more sweet and more spice! Dare to dream real bbq!
The Fries: Technically, not part of the actual burger but it was the side and they were fabulous! Oh man, these were the true gem of the whole meal. They are steak-cut fries, house-made and they actually come out crispy - which is really hard to do with house-made steak fries! I was so impressed!
In Conclusion: I would never eat this sandwich there again, nor would I suggest it to anyone unless super changes were made.
******HOWEVER!********
The Coffeehouse has AMAZING vegan cupcakes and their coffee was really great! I was so mad at myself for not getting a cupcake instead as they really are SO good and worth the calories, girls! They may have great meat meals, I do not know but what I do know is this:
a.) go there for a vegan cupcake and a cup of dark joe (be specific - turns out the cooks name is actually Joe).
b.) do not, just do not, get the vegan bacon cheeseburger unless they’re touting “new recipe! Not that shit fake bacon we were using before! Oh, and our bbq sauce has also changed!” Then, I’d say go for it!
The Alexander Garden, sub tofu and soy cheese
One World Cafe Peoria, IL
Overall rating: A+ - I like mine with a side of marble rye or gluten-free bread with hummus for spreadin’.
Parts & Points:
The Garden itself: The tofu is always done just so; wonderfully spiced, not mushy at all! And the vegetables are always fresh! Always! Not overcooked or can-style mushy!
The Soy Cheese: Not technically vegan as it does contain casein but it does hold its own and I enjoy it all right. It’s not greasy which is part of what I don’t enjoy about the dairy cheese.
*Bonus* The Marble Rye: I know they don’t make it in-house but it really is so good!
The Hummus: For a mere $.50 (I think) more you can get the house-made hummus to spread on your toasted bread and it is WAY better than jellies, jams or creamy cheeses (well, maybe not as I do love creamy cheeses).
One World’s Coffee: Usually the flavor of the day is all right, but the house coffee is always great! Nice and dark and has never tasted old or burnt. I drink at least 5 cups everytime I’m there. If I’m on a time-crunch then my throat really burns as I still find it necessary to slam at least 5 cups.
In Conclusion: If you’re in Peoria and you have a mixed crowd of vegans, vegetarians and carnivores, then just head over to One World. Everyone will be satisfied and the atmosphere is pretty comfortable.
The Parlor: Specialty Pizza and Local Beers: Vegan Pepperoni Pizza
Austin, TX
Overall Rating: A solid ‘A’. The service was pretty awesome. The atmosphere of the whole place was rather comfortable and it was extremely spacious! They also had a Ms. Pacman Galaga Multicade Cocktail Arcade Game Machine and anywhere that has one of these glorious machines will rate very high for me!
Parts & Points:
***Full Disclosure: I don’t remember exactly what my friends and I had on our pizza but I know we did try the vegan pepperoni. I believe we had a few vegetables on it as well, like, mushrooms and onions and probably green peppers and jalapenos but I cannot be sure. Suffice to say, I remember loving it and not having any serious complaints! Now, with that said..........
The Crust: The base of a good pizza must always be able to not only hold the delicious amount of toppings you plan on piling atop your pie, but must be allowed to crisp without burning and be just the right amount of thickness so as to not overwhelm your mouth with either breadiness or lack of breadiness. This crust met all of these expectations and more!
The Sauce: When reviewing a pizza, it is important to me that all components come together in a harmonious glory and therefore the breakdown is entirely necessary! The sauce was fabulous; just thick enough, just thin enough and spiced just so as to add a wonderful variety of flavors.
The Vegan Cheese: Again.....perfect! Absolutely perfect! As grand a vegan cheese usage as the aforementioned Vegan Bacon Cheeseburger from Arlo’s. I don’t know how they do it in Austin but I’m certain that all things, inanimate, animate and food alike, are just all a little happier down there.
The Vegetables: As you will know if you read the “full disclosure” above, I don’t exactly remember what vegetables we chose for our pizza but they didn’t stick out in my mind as a “never do that again!” moment so I assume they were just rad!
The Vegan Pepperoni: Well....here’s where I couldn’t go with ‘+’ or ‘-’. It was....okay. I am one of those who is borderline vegans who really does enjoy the meat alternatives there are available (even the processed ones). It’s never going to be like real meat but sometimes it could be closer. I felt like this with the pepperoni but I didn’t hate it at all. It was enjoyable.
In Conclusion: Go here for a fabulous Austin “Pie” and sit outside if it’s a beautiful enough day (and there seem to be an abundant amount of those there). Have a brew or don’t, but either way it will be enjoyable.
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